"An Ode to Bob"
a parody of "The Raven" by Edgar Allen Poe
Deep into my pocket reaching
Thinking of security breaching
Dreaming dreams of life on Mars I lived 300 years before.
Pulling out a spanker, goading
With a missle I was loading
Taking aim upon a slaver, god forsaken, ugly Pfhor.
Reading text from Durandal, peering
A computer's face is sneering
Who I am is all I'm hearing
I wanted to pull the cord.
All've a sudden there came a tapping
By a fist that's gently rapping,
Rapping, tapping, tapping, rapping
Loud upon my shuttle door.
As I opened the large door
I was greeted by a being
Dumber than a cow, I swore.
Long it stood there, blocking passage
Standing, staring, bearing message
As it managed "Frog blast the vent core!"
I'm a CYBORG, not a magician!
What was this civilian's mission?
Standing there in one position.
Quoth the human, "Frog blast the vent core!"
Bent on rage, unholy feeling.
Shoot to kill, to fire when kneeling,
No, a crouch is too much for the Bungie engine to endure.
Croaked the green bob, "Frog blast the vent core!"
A spanker missile to blow apart man
How I wished to kill Doug Zartman
To lose all heart and side with the decrepid Pfhor
Pleaded Bob, "Frog blast the vent core!"
Now this phrase was mind corrupting
And my mission interupting
Fantasies of shooting Bob onto the wretched starship's floor.
Quoth the target, "Frog blast the vent core!"
As I lift my Zeus-Class, trembling
Bob just went about his mumbling
Along came an unsuspecting soldier of the legion Pfhor.
Spoke the moron, "Frog blast the vent core!"
Now I raised my Mega Pistol
Tears in Bob's eyes, clear as crystal
Glowing from the rod of Pfhor
Quoth our victim, "Frog blast the vent core!"
As a shot, a hit, collided
With a bang 'twas coincided
The evil phrase is all we hear....
"OH MY GOD, THEY'RE EVERYWHERE!!"
Written by Benjamin Wigler
Editions by Forrest Cameranesi
"The Bob Not Spanken"
a parody of "The Road Not Taken" by Robert Frost
All roads diverge and lead to Sol
And sorry I could not splinter both
And be a soldier, long I stood
Deep in Lh'owon's undergrowth
Then took the other, body hair
And having perhaps the lower brain
Because it was messy, the clothes it wear
Though as for death a passing care
Had SPNKed them really both the same
And both on the floor they lay
Upon a warrior's spineless back.
Oh, I kept the skull for another day!
Yet knowing how they lead on to Sol,
I doubted if I should ever come back.
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
All roads, they lead to Sol, and I-
I took the one the Pfhor was on,
And then I jumped the Electro-fence.
Written by Benjamin Wigler
Editions by Forrest Cameranesi
