Hello there, cyborg, and welcome to your first waking hours after your construction. This is Bob Thompson from Bill's office over at Tribecom, Inc., writing you an impromptu memo [with info focus grouped with several of our copywriting team -ED]. You may have questions about who and what you are, why you're here, why you're as conscious as a terran adult despite basically being a newborn, and why you seem to have various vague human memories. That's alright, don't worry -- the initial vertigo will wear off and you'll get used to it.
See, you're a variation of the cyborg model we stole and patented from that one bumbling egghead to help complete our monopoly. We programmed and assigned you for cleaning purposes in our various buildings. We're testing you out to see how well you do in this big space of ours before we make more of you. You are basically an entity that exists only to clean. You are the first of your kind. You are fast, slick, strong, and efficient. You are...MegaMaid™.
You are currently in a newly seized, bought out, and reappropriated place that was once known as part of some community gridzone. Some say that the community gridzone still exists in its previous form beyond our sight and is growing still, but I think that's just a rumor. The thing is, we thought we'd turn it into a general business and attraction zone, with some parts reserved to help pacify the public by letting them come down with their kids and play in the water and such. We're just trying to figure out a way to hack whatever system was used to make this in order to rearrange all the platforms for such a purpose. We've already found a way to change the displays for our state of the art wallpaper, though it's come out a bit jumbled. Basically for now this place is a nice big pleasant office building or house. That is, except...
The place is filthy. I think there was some kind of construction and/or mischief going on around here, but whatever the cause, this place is chock full of filth balls, one for every single world unit of floor surface. We need to clean this place up and make it presentable while we work on changing it. Thankfully there are some water columns to help you go up and down and reach the places that would otherwise be hard to reach, so we don't have to worry too much for now about platform installation or reconfiguration.
To clean up this mess, we equipped you with the new state of the art vacuum from WhatCo, the Yucatan Suckaman™. It's pretty fast and effective at dealing with those filth balls. It even works underwater, which is a relief, because those filth balls are strangely robust even underwater. Besides, we need the pools cleaned up as much as possible so that some idiot doesn't get sick and sue us after swimming around in one. We're already dealing with 99 different lawsuits from various entitled poors. We also equipped you with a navigation system that you'll probably need to use often to see where you're going out of the wallpapered water columns (whoops) and keep track of what all areas you've cleaned.
Keep in mind that for all the filth you do see, there's a lot of filth you can't see, that isn't as tangibly cleanable. That's alright -- our concern here is optics, not cleanliness. This place will never really be clean, so why bother? Keep in mind for that matter that there are some issues with the Yucatan Suckaman™. Because of all the residue in the air, its bag fills up pretty quickly when you use it, even when you're not taking in the filth balls. When you're underwater, a little seeps into the vacuum bit by bit. Also, if you let the vacuum bag fill past its capacity, the whole thing explodes and will kill you as well. We found that out when one of our workers (RIP) tested it (lawsuit #69 on our file). Anyway, just be careful and empty it out often in the garbage chute to the left of your computer. We gave you an interface in your helmet that's linked to the vacuum and tells you at all times how much bag capacity you have left. You can also track your progress in the machine to the right of this computer. Also, there are a few hazards around there, so good luck with that.
Come back here and clock out once you’ve vacuumed up every single last filth ball and we’ll teleport you out. If you make it out in one piece, we might let you clean other rooms like this one. And don't you dare have fun. By the way, there may or may not be parallel rooms like this one in which future MegaMaids will clean. We're tracking how fast all of you do your jobs, so make sure to compete with them for time so that your inevitable obsolescence is postponed a bit. You only see what we want you to see, do you understand me? Now hurry up and get to work, or be consigned to the scrap heap. On behalf of Tribecom, Inc., we thank you, MegaMaid! Best, -Bob Thompson from Bill's office
